


I don't have a choice, but I still choose you...

by KeepGoing



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Mates, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 17:59:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1614158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeepGoing/pseuds/KeepGoing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Derek were years in the making. </p>
<p>"Hey! Creeper McCreeperson! Are you seriously just gonna sit on my roof every night for the rest of my freaking life are you gonna come the fuck in here so we can talk. Sheeesh! Fucking Werewolves, I swear."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don't have a choice, but I still choose you...

**Author's Note:**

> Title of work taken from "Poison and Wine" by the Civil Wars.
> 
> Its been a long time since I've written anything. I used to be a huge part of the Supernatural Fandom, so writing again felt wonderful. 
> 
> I'm big on dialogue, you'll see that, and yeah its been a while, but I hope I did, my new found love for Teen Wolf and Sterek, justice. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are LOVE. :) Enjoy!

 

 

You only know what I want you to  
I know everything you don't want me to  
Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine  
You think your dreams are the same as mine  
Ooh, I don't love you but I always will  
Ooh, I don't love you but I always will  
I don't love you but I always will  
I always will  
I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back  
The less I give, the more I get back  
Ooh, your hands can heal, your hands can bruise  
I don't have a choice but I still choose you

 

 

 

 

The small thump of his heart beat steadies in my ears and I exhale a small breathe out I wasnt even aware I was holding. His own breathing is slowly evening out and I curl my knees up under my chin and gently close my eyes. I can relax now, at least for a little while. He’s back asleep. I wont be getting any sleep tonight, but that doesn’t matter. Not anymore. Not since…

A small breeze picks up and I hug my legs closer to my chest and wonder how it is I am possibly cold. I can hear his teeth chatter behind the wood panels of the roof and it occurs to me that for the first time in my existence I am finally in sync with someone. I didn’t choose this. He didn’t choose me. 

With things like this you never have a choice. 

I hear a small moan escape his lips and my eyes pop open. I lean to my right and crane my neck to look inside his small window. He’s stirring: lips smacking, arms flailing; just like when he’s awake. At least how he used to be. He’s no longer the hyperactive, annoying, into everyone's business, almost getting killed at every turn, teenager anymore. 

He’s more of a man now than I am. 

And we tie neck and neck now for most damaged. 

A heavy sigh threads through the air from his bed. “How long have you been creeping outside my bedroom window?”

That question has so many answers. 

“You had another nightmare.”

He sighs again, heavier this time and rolls onto his side; his big brown eyes blinking at me. “Tell me a new one.”

With one swift movement I’m inside his room and kneeling down on the shag carpet. I say nothing. 

He rolls his eyes, sits up and runs his fingers through his hair. He scratches his blunt fingernails across his scalp and yawns. “Well I’m up now.”

“Try and sleep. I’ll be here.”

He snorts. “Don’t I know it.”

I feel my throat begin to close. “Ok. I’ll go.”

“NO.” He reaches his arm out but immediately pulls back, cradling his hand against his stomach, nursing it, as if he just touched a hot stove. “No. I mean you’re already here.”

I nod and finally sit, pulling myself into the same position as I’m used to when I’m perched outside on the roof. 

“So….” He begins, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “How was the full moon?”

I burst out laughing and so does he and he slides off the bed, joining me on the floor. He sits crossed legged in front of me. 

“Come on.” He slaps my leg and it burns where he touched me. 

“I dont know. It was...the full moon. It came, it went.”

“Do you get really horny?”

I narrow my eyes and he beams. “You DO. I knew it! Scott told me anyway. He and Allison-”

We both stare at each other, the vibe in the room quickly turning to thick sadness at the mention of her name. “Sorry.” He mutters. 

“We should talk about her.” I tell him. 

“I’m not ready.” He takes a breathe. “I can't even look Scott in the eye yet. He tells me hes ok. That he doesn't blame me. That he knows it wasn't me, etc etc etc. But thats all the shit youre supposed to say to your best friend who was possessed who killed the love of your life, you know?”

“No. I dont know. I don't think there is any right thing to say. But Scott is trying. He is.” I try to convince him. 

He nods and picks at the fuzz on his sweatpants. “How do you apologize for something like that?”

“He doesn't want an apology, Stiles.”

“No.” He looks up at me. “He wants Allison back.”

He leans back against the bed and closes his eyes. “Think I’ll always be like this?”

“What? Tired?”

He snorts and scratches at his legs. “Damaged. Scared. Walking around every minute with this unbearable feeling of guilt.”

I stare at him for a long time, wondering how to explain to a 17 year old kid that it never goes away. The things you did. The things you could have done. The feeling of failure. Of regret. How do you tell someone who hasn’t even really lived yet, you just need to live with it? To push it down so deep inside yourself that you can barely look in the mirror every day cause you don't recognize your self?

“When I figure it out, I’ll let you know.” I mumble. 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*

 

He’s different. I noticed it a while ago, the slow yet sudden change in him; if that makes any sense at all. I know it started after his last crazy ass girlfriend. You know, the one who tried to kill us all? Yeah, since then. But the dramatic, punch in the face, holy shit, who is this guy, change came after the whole, you know, possession thing that happened. 

All lurking outside my window at night….wait. Okay, so he did that before but seriously, he’s different. He’s all...calm now. And slower. But not in a dumb, short bus way. Slow as in his mannerisms. And the way he deals with people now. His patience with Scott has skyrocketed. He respects him now; in a way I never thought I’d see from Derek “I’m the Alpha now” Hale. He listens, instead of barking orders and giving the angry werewolf brow he normally does when people try to tell him something. He follows now, instead of insisting to lead. But he’s still a leader. He always will be. But he lets others lead now.

And he’s...gentle. He’s not throwing hyper active teenage boys against walls anymore. Instead he sits inside their rooms all night making sure they don't wake up screaming from a nightmare. And if you do, he doesn't hover. He’s there, but in the most...gentle way. There’s always water on the bedside table. And the one time said teenage boy wet the bed from one of the more horrific nightmares, he helps change the sheets and turns on the shower without a word. 

He’s just...there. 

And this teenage boy likes it.

I sit outside the loft for a while, the jeep running. Some Coldplay song is playing over the radio, but I don't turn it off. And I hate Coldplay. But its background noise; static to overpower the nagging in my head to just go inside already. 

I hum along to the God awful song that I only know because how can you not when they play it on the radio like a bajillion times a day and…

“You gonna sit in your truck all night or are you actually considering coming inside?”

I scream, flailing my arms and hitting my wrist, hard, against the steering wheel. 

“Ah! Fuck! Christ! Jesus, how long have you been standing there???”

He smirks and it infuriates me in ways I can’t begin to describe, yet calms me in the weirdest and most disturbing way. I like seeing him smile. I dont get it often and its even more rewarding when I’m the one making him smile. 

He doesn't answer but opens my door to the Jeep. He waits, long fingers wrapped around the edge of the door. 

“I wasn’t lurking.” I protest, hopping out of the Jeep. He nods. 

“Fine, maybe I was, but I learned from the best.”

He nods again and closes the door to my Jeep gently. See what I mean?

I follow him up to the loft and he walks ahead of me, leaving the door open. He slings his signature leather jacket over one of the bar stools at the counter and for some reason I’m stuck to the floor in the doorway. He turns, eyeing me with those huge eyebrows. 

“I dont know what I’m doing here.” I admit.

“Obviously. Its 1am. Why aren't you sleeping?”

“I could be asking you the same thing, you know.”

He nods, God why is he always fucking nodding now, and leans against the counter. “I was actually on my way to see if you were sleeping.”

“Checking up on the fucked up insomniac?”

“You’re not fucked up, Stiles.”

I snort and finally take a step into the loft. 

“You’re not.”

I give him an ‘are you fucking kidding me’ look. He smirks. “Okay fine. You’re fucked up. But aren't we all? I mean look at this pack. Scott is a fucking True Alpha. He has no idea what he’s doing even though he’s doing better than I ever did as an Alpha. Lydia is just coming into her powers and has no idea what to do with them and is freaking out at every turn. Isaac-”

“-is gone.”

Derek closes his eyes and takes a deep breathe. “And-”

“-Allison is dead.”

Derek purses his lips. He has nothing to say to that. So instead I decide to admit something I’ve always thought, but never had the fucking balls to say.

“You were a good Alpha.” I whisper. 

His head bobs up and his eyes narrow on me. He looks...angry. 

“Shut up, Stiles.”

“You were.”

He groans and turns away from me, white knuckling the counter. 

“If I...you know, ever got bit. If I had the choice….I’d want it to be you.”

I see his shoulders tighten underneath his tight blue t-shirt. “You dont know what you're saying. It would be Scott...I mean, it would have been him.”

“Would have been?” I ask.

“If we couldn't get the Nogitsune out. Of you. Or...fuck. You know what I mean.”

“Scott told me he would have done something. I knew what he meant….but it was when I was in the hospital. When we thought this was all in my head.”

Derek turns ever so slightly, eyeing me out of the corner of his eye. “After that. There was no way I could….”

“I would have chosen you.” I proclaim again.

He’s quiet for a long time, his fingers still grasping the corner of the counter like its keeping him upright. Grounded. So he can't hit or throw or shove teenage boys against walls. When he finally opens his mouth I expect the usual Derek berretting. The normal sarcastic snarky remark or retaliation. How young I am. How useless. How clueless to the ‘Werewolf’ ways of life. 

Instead his voice cracks and I can barely hear him when he finally speaks. “Why?”

“I dont know. It feels like its not even a choice. But….I dont know. I’d still choose you.”

He’s across the room before I can even blink. I take a step back, back into the doorway and almost into the hallway. He long fingers grasp at my hoodies, only grazing the strings but I look down, watching as he loops them around his fingers, dragging me back into the loft and up against him. He breathes on my face; hot, heavy and trembling. His whole body is shaking and I want to touch his arm. His shoulder. His wrist. Something just to calm him down. But its for me too. To calm me down. Because my heart is beating so fast and so hard I’m afraid I could be having a heart attack. After all this; all the times I nearly died at the hands of werewolves and Darachs, and fucking evil foxes; this is how I am going to die. By a heart attack. 

How boring. 

So heres the big bad once Alpha breathing and causes moisture to dampen my cheeks and I can't breathe and he’s shaking and I’m shaking and the only thought running over and over in my mind is “WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?”

When words finally flow from his mouth they are strangled and barely a whisper. “You can’t say that to me.”

“Why? I don't understand..I…” 

He’s off and away from me as fast as he was on me. “You need to go.”

“What? I...it’s like 2 in the morning, dude.”

“Exactly. You should be sleeping.”

I frown and feel the burn rise up into my throat. “You know I can't, Derek.”

He doesn't answer; his chest heaving. “I can’t help you. I can't do anything”-

“You do though. You already do.” I rebutt. 

Derek shakes his head, so violently, so fast, it almost looks like hes having some sort of seizure. “No. No. You’ll only get hurt. It won’t work-”

“WHOA. Hold on a second there, buddy. What the hell are we talking about, here? Okay I admit having you lurking in my bedroom and outside my bedroom and near my bedroom on my roof and all that jazz DOES in deed help me sleep in some weird way. I guess its some sort of Werewolf magic voodoo you have...do all Werewolves have that? Cause I mean yeah, Scotts my best bro and shit but he doesn't make me fall asleep just by having him sit near me. Unless he’s going on and on about something incredibly boring like-”

And just like that, Derek is kissing me. I didn't even notice, maybe because he's too fast, or maybe because I was too busy talking or maybe because I just didn't want to notice him taking two long strides with his incredibly long legs toward me as I’m jammering on like I normally do. But here he is, his lips on mine. I don't open my mouth. I don't move at all. I just stand there, frozen with his ginormous hands around my face. When he finally pulls back, I just stand there, staring at him. He takes two long steps back, the slowest I’ve ever seen him walk and he turns his back to me. 

“Go home Stiles. Get some sleep.”

“Uh. Right.” I nod and turn walking out of the loft and deciding to take the stairs instead of the rickety old elevator. As I count the stairs two by two as I barrell down them I think to myself, ‘Right. How the hell am I gonna be able to sleep, NOW?’

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Lydia pops an almond into her mouth, flips her strawberry hair behind her shoulder and continues to hum as she clicks away on her overly priced Iphone. I’ve been staring at her for 10 minutes now.

Without looking up, or missing a beat with whatever she is posting or messaging away on Facespace or Mybook or whatever these kids are doing these days, she finally speaks. 

“Spit it out, Stiles.”

“Huh?” I blink at her. She pops another almond into her mouth, chews it slowly and finally looks at me through long lashes. “What’s the problem?”

To be honest, other than me adjusting back into society, and school, and friendships, and Lacrosse after the whole possession thing, nothing has really been a ‘problem.’ No scary Alpha pack, or evil druids or fuck even vampires have even sniffed around Beacon Hills. It was abnormally quiet. So yeah, Lydia had every right to ask what the ‘problem’ was. 

“Nothing.”

“Lies.” She sings. 

I sigh and bury my face in my arms on the lunch table. 

“Oh, honey. Stop.” She tussles my hair and I look up at her. 

“Something bad happened.”

“Sing a new song, Stiles. That one is so tired.” She smirks. “Okay. Too soon. Got it. What happened that is so bad?”

“I’m not sure I can talk about it.”

“Does it involve anything Supernatural?”

I think about this a moment. “Kiiiinda?” I shrug. “Depends on how you look at it. Or who.”

“Hmmm.” She puts down her phone and pushes away her tiny baggie of almonds. She’s interested now. “A who, huh? Which ‘who’ is this? Scott?”

I shake my head. 

She looks up, mouth pursed, her exceptionally genius brain at work. A small and slow smirk forms over her lips. 

“Derek.” She says matter of factly. 

I must have completely gone white cause she claps her hands together and squeals. “I KNEW IT.” She pushes all of her belongings that have been scattered in front of her to the side and leans her arms on the table. “Spill. Now. I’ve been waiting YEARS for this.”

“Years!? What the hell are you talking about!?” I scream, then realizing how loud I’m being and look around alarmingly. I lower my voice and lean forward. “Years!?” I whisper. 

“Oh, Stiles, Sweetie. Seriously? This was years in the making.”

“What was years in the making?”

She gives me a tilted confused look. “Well, you and Derek of course.”

“There is no ME and DEREK.” I point out.

She giggles, shakes her head and picks up her phone again. “There is now.”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My annoying, consistent and flailing knocking on the metal door echoes through the hallway. I didn't see his truck outside, but it could be in the garage. Or he could be out. But I insist on knocking. Its my right to knock. Its my God given right as a human being to knock. I’m not some sour wolf who just goes around kissing-

The loft door slides open with a clank and a bang. He’s all eye brows and forehead and bunny teeth as he growls low in his chest at me. 

“Interrupt your afternoon nap, did I?” I brush past him, his hard shoulder bruising mine as I go by. 

“Why aren't you in school, Stiles?”

“Who can learn at a time like this!?” I throw my hands up in the air and turn on my heel as soon as I’m dead set in the middle of the loft. 

He gives me a confused look and folds his arms across his chest. 

“You kissed me! You fucking kissed me then threw me out of here at 2am! Who DOES that, dude? Seriously! And then I try to confide in Lydia trying to make ANY sense of this whole ordeal and apparently this was YEARS in the making, whatever the HELL that MEANS!” I’m screaming. Its echoing through the loft and possibly Beacon Hills at this point.

“You told Lydia.” He says slowly. 

“I didn't exactly TELL her. She kinda figured it out. Or already knew, even though I’m not sure what there really is to KNOW.”

“She already knew.” Derek says his sentence slowly again and I groan in protest. 

“Yes. She already knew. KNEW WHAT. WHAT IS HAPPENING?” I cross the room to him and poke his hard...very muscular and hot chest...wait…

He grabs my hand, not twisting, barely squeezing with any force. Just holding it. 

Wow.

“Stiles. What are you doing here?”

“I want answers.” I say gently. Whoa. Where did that voice come from.

“Answers to what?”

“You know what.” I whisper. WHERE IS MY VOICE?

“Say it.”

I shake my head. “Derek….”

“SAY IT.” He growls so close to my face I almost snap my teeth at him in response. WHO AM I?

“Why did you do it?”

“Do what?” He whispers.

His lips ghost over mine. I cant breathe. Its like he’s breathing for the both of us. I can't...what...is...happening…

“Kiss me…” And then he is. His entire mouth covers mine, inhaling my lips and tongue. His breath is ragged, like he’s putting every ounce of who he is into this kiss. He’s still holding my hand against his chest and when he intertwines our fingers together, I moan softly. 

The growling coming from his chest gets deeper and louder and I still have no idea how to even kiss him back right now because his mouth is just ON ME. Sucking and licking and I’m trying, dammit I swear I’m trying, but nothing is really happening on my end. 

“Stop thinking.” He mumbles against my swollen lips. 

“I’m TRYING.” His other hand grips my waist where I know I’ll have bruises the next day. 

We kiss. And kiss. And God damn can this man kiss. I finally have to pull off because air is good, not as good as his fucking tongue but yeah, I can't die even though dying that way would be AWESOME. 

I take a full gulps of air in and lean over, balancing my hands on my knees. 

“Jesus. How did you learn to do that? I finally breathe out. 

He smiles. I mean full on, sunshine, over the rainbow, puppies and kittens smile. It makes me smile in return and it makes my heart literally almost stop. Which is kinda crazy considering how hard and fast it was beating just seconds ago. 

“Glad you enjoyed it.” He glides toward the kitchen counter, picking up a water bottle and gulping it down. I watch his adam's apple bob up and down and the hard on I’ve been nursing in my jeans becomes larger as he drinks. He swallows his last sip and practically sniffs the air. He eyes me. And I feel my cheeks catch fire. 

“Thirsty?”

“Me? Nah. Nope. I’m good. Totally fine. In fact I-”

“Stiles. Shut up.”

“Right. Shutting up.” 

There's silence. And tension. And hard breathing. And he finally just sits on the couch, picking up his thick hard cover book. He props his bare feet on the table in front of him and just….reads. HE’S FUCKING READING.

“Um, excuse me?”

“Hmm?” He doesn't look up.

“Can you just...um….WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

He finally looks up and cocks an eyebrow at me.

“Seriously? I get the one eyebrow look? Do you have any idea what is happening to me right now? I’m on the verge of either throwing myself into oncoming traffic or throwing myself ON TOP OF YOU. I haven't quite figured out which one yet.” My arms are everywhere. There is spit coming from my lips. And I’m screaming. Loudly.

“Better figure out which one, then.”

“You’re serious. This is...you just...and now you...and I’m just supposed to…” I can't find the right words. Are there any?

“It’s your choice, Stiles. I’ve made mine. Now its your turn.”

My eyes widen and my arms fall to my side. 

I got nothing.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

 

“Son?” I hear my Dad’s voice from the hallway.

“Yeah, Dad?”

“You okay?” His voice is closer now.

“Yeah, why?”

“Cause you’ve been lying like that on your bed for the past 4 hours. You’re in the same exact position you were in before the game.”

“Yeah? Huh.” I tilt my head a little. “Did you know there’s a tiny hole right….” I point up to the ceiling. “....there. Its driving me nuts.”

“Then maybe you should get up and spackle it.” 

“Naaaaah. I’m good. Right here.”

I hear my Dad sigh and the bed dip. “Stiles.”

Its my turn to sigh. I sit up, blood rushing to my head. “Whoa. Head rush.”

“What’s the matter?”

I shake my head. “Nothing, Pops.”

“Stiles, I’ve known you you’re whole life. When you’re still, I know there’s a real problem.”

“Dad, I have problems all the time. I’m never still.”

“Exactly.” He turns his body toward mine and gives me the Dad look. “You’re usually all over the place. Unable to stop for one moment. It helps you process whatever it is you’re going through. So when you’re quiet, I know its really bad. Because you can’t process it. You’re stalled.”

Aren’t parents infuriating?

“It’s a really complicated story. And one I’m not sure I even really know. Its all just a jumbled mess. And...I honestly have never been more confused in my life.”

“This about a girl?”

I snort. “No. I can honestly say it is not about a girl.”

“This about Scott? I’ve noticed you two aren't as close since…”

“No. No, I mean you’re right. Scott and I aren't...the same. But this isn't Scott.”

“School?”

I shake my head.

“Did you do something to the Jeep?”

“Oh God, no. Bite your tongue.”

“Then what, Stiles?” My Dad’s voice is pleading. He wants to help so badly. And to be honest since he’s know the truth about everything about Beacon Hills, its been such a relief to be able to talk open and honestly about all the things I would normally have snuck out in the middle of the night to avoid telling him. So I have now traded those things for sneaking off in the middle of the night to do something else. 

Hang out with a Werewolf older than me who decides kissing me is the greatest idea ever and now I’m just supposed to ‘decide’....

“Stiles. You know you can say anything to me. About anything.”

“I know. I do. Especially now. But this...may be the hardest thing.”

“Harder than Werewolves?”

“You have no idea, Dad.”

He nods, rubbing his hands together a few times. “Okay. I’m ready. Out with it.”

I groan and bury my face in my hands. “Dad….”

“Come on, Stiles. I’ll count to three. And on three just blurt it out. Okay? Ready? One….”

He’s kidding right? I can't just TELL HIM.

“Two…”

Nope. Not doing it. No matter how much I need to tell someone. Nope.

“Three.”

“DEREKHALEKISSEDMEANDILIKEDITANDITHINKHELIKESMEANDNOWIHAVETODECIDEIFIWANNAKISSHIMALLTHETIMECAUSEHEWANTSTOKISSMEALLTHETIMEBUTHESAWEREWOLFANDIMJUSTINHIGHSCHOOLBUTJESUSCHRISTHESAGOODKISSERANDEVERYTIMEIMAROUNDHIMICANTEVENTHINKSTRAIGHTBUTIMEANAMIEVENGAYBUTHESHELPEDMESOMUCHTHESEPASTFEWMONTHSANDGODTHEKISSINGISSOGOODBUTITSDEREKFREAKINGHALEYOUKNOW?”

There is complete silence in the room. I don't look up for a good 3 minutes before I have to finally see if my Dad is still breathing. 

He is, but barely. He’s just staring straight ahead, mouth open just a bit and eyes as wide as dinner plates. Yup. About the reaction I was expecting. But with less yelling.

“Derek….Hale.”

“Yup.”

“Isn't he like…?”

“Yup.” Anything he was about to say was true. Everything you ever say about Derek is true. Doesn't make him any less….fucking hot. Oh God. I’m doomed. 

“So you’re….”

“Bi? I guess so. I mean I’ve never even been attracted to a guy before. I mean Danny and I are buds you know and I totally accept who he is and I always wondered if I was ever attractive to him but I just...never saw him that way. And I used to think if I wasn't gay for Danny then I wasn't gay because I can admit when a dude is good looking. So I just never gave it much thought. And yeah, I always SAW how Derek looked. I mean I have eyes. With the abs and the eyes and the cheekbones and…” My Dad is now staring at me. “Ahem. Right. But then….we started spending all this time together. He helped with some nightmares and I we actually talked. And I got to know him a little. He’s changed. He’s not the same all grrrrr Werewolf he used to be. And then with the kissing and I liked it. But do I like it because I like DEREK or because I like the attention or the fact that yes, Scott and I haven't been as close lately and I was just lonely for any type of affection and attention, bro or otherwise? I just...don't know Dad. I dont...know.”

“Um….so….Derek. Hale.”

I groan and flop back onto my bed. Maybe the hole in my ceiling will have better answers. 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*

 

I’ve been coming to this roof for so long I’ve lost count when it started or how many times I’ve perched myself outside his window, listening to his heart beat. 

Its been almost a week since my declaration. 

Okay, so maybe I didn't really declare anything, but I’m sure he got the point. 

It’s him. I’ts always been him. 

But it has to be his choice. He’s a human. He has free will. He can choose to live without me. I can’t. But I might. I might have to learn to live without him. 

I can hear the steady intake and outtake of breaths coming from his room and I settle into my normal position for the night. I wonder if he doesn't choose me if I will still do this? Even when he goes off to college will I find myself on the roof of his dorm trying to decipher which heartbeat is his on the floor of 100 boys? I doubt I’d ever have a problem knowing which heart is his. 

It runs in sync with mine. 

I close my eyes, letting his breathing put me into my calmness. A breeze picks up, and it feels nice against my face.

“Hey! Creeper McCreeperson! Are you seriously just gonna sit on my roof every night for the rest of my freaking life are you gonna come the fuck in here so we can talk. Sheeesh! Fucking Werewolves, I swear.” He screams outside his window to me and then brings his head back inside with a snap of his long body. 

I sigh. 

Here we go. 

I swoop inside, landing on his carpeted floor in my usual stealthy kneeling position. Yes, I know its cheesy. Yes I know its over compensating. I think I’m way cooler than I am. I get it. Stiles has made it perfectly clear how uncool I am. 

He glares at me, arms folded. I stand and he rolls his eyes. 

“That’s the first thing thats gonna have to stop. If you’re gonna keep being here, ALL THE TIME, you gotta stop with the acrobatic werewolf shit.”

“If I’m going to keep being here?” I repeat.

“Well theres some shit we need to go over. Like first of all, I dont even think I’m gay.”

I nod. Makes sense. He was in love with Lydia for years how could he possibly just switch to men that-”

“But that being said, I’m totally fucking gay for you.”

I cock an eye brow at him and he smirks. “Its probably some spell you put on everyone you come in contact with.”

“Scott isn't gay for me.”

“That’s true. But Isaac, he totally was.”

I shake my head. “No. He was gay for Scott. And in love with Allison.”

Stiles contemplates this. “Wow. That makes so much sense. I mean the Scott thing. I mean I knew about Allison, hence why he split, but…”

“He didn't just leave because of what happened to Allison. He left because he couldn’t look Scott in the eye.” I tell him.

“I know the feeling.” He mumbles.

“No.” I reach for him, half grabbing his hand and then pulling back quickly. “Sorry.” I have no idea if I’m allowed to touch him. I have no idea what he’s even feeling. His heart rate is abnormally calm for him. Even on a normal day. 

“It’s fine. I just want...I need answers.”

“Okay.” Thats fair. I sit in his desk chair and turn it toward him. I rest my hands on my legs. “Ask me anything.”

His eyes widen a little and he runs his hand through his hair. “Oh. Just like that, huh. Okay.” He sits on the edge of his bed. “I guess I’m just wondering how long.”

“Since what?”

“Since...you know. This.” He motions between us. 

I sigh. How can I possibly explain this? “You know wolves mate for life, right?”

He gulps. He literally gulps. Shit.

I sigh again. “I guess I’ve always felt you. Even when I was younger. That I knew there was someone out there, I just hadn’t found them yet. Deep down I knew it wasn't Kate. But you were taking so long to get here, so I just thought maybe it was something I was supposed to just develop. Even though my mother always told me it would hit like a ton of bricks. That the second I saw them I would just know. So I knew it wasn't her. And even though I knew it wasn't, I still allowed her in and to ruin my life.”

“You can't keep blaming yourself-” He begins. 

“I know. I know. This isn't about her.”

“It’s about me.” He whispers.

“Yes.” I breathe. “And then I saw you. And you were young. So young. And hyper. And sarcastic. And so...human.”

“That day in the woods. With Scott. After he was bit.”

I nod. 

“Then why now?”

“Because. Things are different now. I couldn't even have thought about mating with you back then. Everything was so fucked up. But now...Scotts taken over. Cora is off doing her own thing. And you...you’re older. You’ve lived now. You’ve been through enough for a lifetime and you’re barely 18.”

“Mating with me?” He looks terrified. 

“Shit.” I groan and throw my head back. I cant do this. He isnt ready. He doesn't want me. “Listen. I get it. You’re human. I’m a werewolf. You’re not even 18 yet. I’m 24-”

“You’re only 24!?” He yells. 

“What? Yeah.”

“Dude I thought you were like 30. 24 isnt bad at ALL.” He looks...relieved. Like my age was really a huge problem. “That will ease my Dad’s mind a little.”

“YOU TOLD YOUR DAD?”

He smirks. “Um. Maybe?”

“I’m dead where I sit.”

“Shhh. Stop. No body is gonna shoot you. I promise.” He rubs his hands together. “Now, this mating thing.”

“What do you wanna know?”

“It’s...forever?”

I swallow. “Its for as long as you want it to be.”

“But for you...it’s forever.”

“Yes.”

“So say we...break up one day. You’d never mate with anyone else?”

“No.” I shake my head. “Probably not.”

“Not even if you meet another werewolf?”

“No, Stiles. I dont want another werewolf. I want you.”

His ears and cheeks turn pink and he looks down at his hands, a small smile forming on his lips. “Oh.”

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Stiles.”

He laughs, air puffing out of his lips and he then groans. “A lot. I’m thinking a lot of things.”

“Tell me.”

He looks me in the eyes and I stop breathing for a moment. He is so God damn beautiful it hurts. Long lashes over golden honey brown eyes. I...fuck. 

“I’m scared.”

I nod. “I know the feeling.”

“Do you? Do you know how scared I am to be with you?”

“I’d never hurt you, Stiles. Ever. That’s the point. Protecting you. Making sure no harm ever comes to you.”

“That’s not what I meant. I...trust you. I trust you’d never let anything happen to me. It’s….I’m scared how you make me feel. I’m scared of getting lost. In you. In us. Look at Scott and Allison. It consumed them. And look what happened.” His voice quivers.

“Stiles.” I fall to my knees off the chair and kneel in front of him. “Look at me.”

He’s so close to me. His lips. His eyes. His heart. I hesitate but I finally reach up, cupping his chin with my hand. He sucks in a breathe and I hold him still. “We are not Scott and Allison. I can't even say for sure they were mates. But I know you’re mine. And if you choose me, I...” I’ve never been this vulnerable. This emotional. This...raw. “...I’ll be yours forever. I’d give my life to protect you, to save you. I’ll do everything in my power, give everything I have to make you happy. And if one day you choose to walk away, I’ll let you. Because its what you want.”

He trembles. “And if I don't choose you?”

I wince. I feel my heart wrench in my chest. “Then you don’t. And I’ll go on loving you. Wanting you. But I’d let you go. If it’s what you wanted.”

He’s so quiet. I don't think I’ve ever seen him this still. This...calm. He finally shakes his head, a single tear shedding down over his pale skin. “Don’t ever let me go.” He whispers. “Please.”

Its like an euphoric explosion inside my chest. Its like my world, that had been turned on its axis for as long as I can remember, is finally right again. I feel my skin heat. My eyes blaze the light blue to reflect who I am now. A Beta. But not an Omega. I have someone. I have the one person I need. And he wants me.

“I promise. Fuck, I promise.” I cup his face and smash my mouth to those plump, soft lips of his. He squeaks and then sighs happily, wrapping his arms around the back of my neck and opening his mouth, and his heart, inviting me in. 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Yeah, okay. So being with Derek is awesome. He’s awesome. He’s gentle and sweet. And funny. I never knew how funny this dude is. 

And he shares things with me about himself. Things that hurt. Things that he needs to get out into the world. Things he’s kept inside for a long time. He puts them out, into my soul and I absorb them. And it helps him heal. It helps me heal. 

Geez, when did I become such a romantic sap?

“You were like the cutest kid, ever.” I stare down at picture of him and his mother. He must be maybe 4. He’s beaming, he had his bunny teeth, even them. His mother has a look of pure love her eyes for her little boy.

“You’re mother was beautiful.” I tell him.

“So was yours. You look just like her.” He hands me back the picture I had dug out of my bedside table drawer. A picture I hadn't been able to look at for a very long time. But I was ready now. And so was Derek. We can miss our mothers together. And talk about them.

I smile and take the picture back from him. “Thanks.”

He smiles and nuzzles his nose against my cheek. Its what he does. And I kinda love it. 

“What time are we meeting Scott and Kira?” He asks, taking my leg and pulling it up over his. I’m practically sitting on his lap. He likes it like this. I’m okay with it too. 

I squint at my phone on the coffee table. “Maybe an hour.” 

He nods and the light coming in through the large loft windows reflects in his brown eyes and it literally takes my breathe away. I lean in and kiss him. It surprises him, but he gives in quickly. He smiles against my lips. I rest my forehead against his.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” He whispers. 

“Choosing me.”

“I didn't have a choice, Stiles.”

I look up, my eyes heavy with concern. He cups my cheek and brushes his nose against mine. It relaxes me instantly.

“Even if I did, I’d still choose you. Every single time.”

I sigh heavily and wrap my fingers around the back of his neck, bringing him into a deep kiss that explains everything I have in my heart that I can't possibly put into words right now. 

“We have to meet Scott.” He moans as I try to slip my tongue past his lips. I shake my head.

“We have time.” 

He nods, pulling me closer and enveloping himself around me.

We have all the time in the world.


End file.
